Biblical Counselor Training

Married Life with an Unbeliever

By Dr. Ab Abercrombie

Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?  And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever? (2 Cor 6:14-15, NKJV).

The language of this passage is very direct and absolute. Paul writes with clarity that leaves no room for discussion or concession. Christians should not, must not, be “yoked together with unbelievers”. And yet within our counseling ministry, this is perhaps the fastest growing segment of counselees seeking marriage counseling.

The issues affecting this mixed marriage are often complicated and even volatile.  As our text states, there is no communion (fellowship) between light and darkness, and there is no accord (agreement) between Christ and the devil. How then do we expect these contrary spirits to effectively merge?

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Be Anxious For Nothing…

Dr. Ab Abercrombie

Anxiety can be a confounding and debilitating force in one’s life…and believers are not immune to its affect. Consequently, anxiety is often referenced as the reason for entering counseling. Most who become overwhelmed by this issue have tried numerous approaches before contacting a counselor including prayer, Bible study, and other Christian disciplines. Yet they enter biblical counseling discouraged, fearful, and filled with self-condemnation centered upon what many refer to as a lack of faith.

Other believers have taken a secular approach to anxiety, seeking relief through psychotherapy, medication, hypnosis, and other stress management approaches. Worldly approaches often focus upon external factors and circumstances rather than the fearful heart of an individual. And, there is a growing attitude that excessive anxiety is biochemical, and can only be the managed medically. And while these approaches can yield temporal relief, they offer nothing that is spiritually curative.

The biblical counselor must not be overtaken by the horizontal clutter surrounding this matter. Rather, we must receive the counselee in whatever state they arrive for this divine assignment. It is not our role to rebuke the counselee for a worldly orientation or for the use of secular remedies. At the same time, we must be very careful not to endorse or promote anything but a spiritual/biblical plan of care and counsel.

The frustration sufferers feel concerning anxiety is real, and very likely, lengthy in its history. To intervene biblically will require much perseverance, holding always to the sufficiency of Scripture as our foundation and guide. Transformation and not relief, is our objective…looking for the natural byproduct of God’s Word changing the nature of an individual, rather than providing a temporal respite that does not endure. As Jesus taught the Samaritan woman at Jacob’s well:

“Everyone who drinks of this water will thirst again; but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him shall never thirst; but the water that I will give him will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life” (Jn 4:13b-14).

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Homosexuality: The Bible And Science Actually Agree

Dr. Ab AbercrombieSad Teen Boy

Therefore God gave them over in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, so that their bodies would be dishonored among them. For they exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen.

For this reason God gave them over to degrading passions; for their women exchanged the natural function for that which is unnatural, and in the same way also the men abandoned the natural function of the woman and burned in their desire toward one another, men with men committing indecent acts and receiving in their own persons the due penalty of their error (Rom 1:24-27).

 The Bible on Homosexuality

Romans 1 defines the product of man’s unbelief. The disregard for truth and the rejection of God’s authority, leads to increasing depravity, absent any constraint that would inhibit the expression of one’s personal desire. Paul writes that in response; “…God gave them over” to lust, impurity, and degrading passions, wherein they would suffer the “due penalty of their error.”

Notice that within this discussion, homosexuality and lesbianism are specifically referenced as “unnatural” expressions; products of having been given over to “degrading passions.” God clearly denotes that such actions are not of His design; a reaffirmation of Old Testament warnings (Lev. 19:20). This truth is hard for some to accept and a spiritual war has erupted in opposition to its reality.

According to LGBT advocates, homosexuality, lesbianism, and transgenderism are innate, natural conditions that are scientifically verifiable. For years we have heard about scientific studies that confirm the biological, medical, and genetic reality that same sex attraction and gender dysphoria are normal, unchangeable, expressions of nature that should be acknowledged and accepted within our culture. Any other view has been labeled biased, hateful, and archaic. This referenced “research” has supposedly trumped Christian conviction and biblical truth with scientific evidence.

This would mean that God created and gave life to what He defined as unnatural, indecent, degrading, and impure. It would mean that God intended for humans to engage in this aberrant conduct that stands in opposition to His Word. And finally, it would mean that God has contradicted Himself, canceling His specific revelation of Scripture through the general revelation of nature, affirmed by human generated science. But we must recall this truth:

Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God”; for God cannot be tempted by evil, and He Himself does not tempt anyone (Jas 1:13).

 God “does not tempt anyone”. Therefore, according to His nature, God could not create an individual with a passion and temptation for anything He has defined as “unnatural.” God is not the author and creator of sin. Instead, sin is the rebellious expression of the human heart in opposition to God’s holiness (Mk 7:20-23). Belief and surrender to God through Christ Jesus our Lord brings life (Eph 4:5), while sin is progressive and always ends in death.

But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust. Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death. Do not be deceived, my beloved brethren (Jas 1:14-16). 

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The Language of Scripture…

Dr. Ab Abercrombie

Thanks to the proliferation of television, self-help books, and the Internet, many counselees have researched their individual conditions and concerns before making an appointment for biblical counseling. As a result, many will enter counseling using secular, psychological, and even medical terms to describe their complaints. Often this terminology is applied to others instead of self, as the individual counselee seeks to describe his/her circumstance.

Some examples I have heard within my counseling room include:

  • “I have been reading on the Internet about adult ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) and I think it describes me perfectly.”
  • “I saw a TV special on depression and now I understand that I have a chemical imbalance that causes me to be depressed. Do you think I should start medication?”
  • “My wife has a borderline personality disorder…”
  • “My husband has a narcissistic personality disorder…”
  • “My son has an oppositional defiant disorder…”

In each situation, the counselee had spiritual, behavioral, and emotional issues that were indeed painful and chronic. Each were seeking an explanation for their struggle. However, their use of secular language and humanistic diagnostic terms led them to pursue secular and humanistic relief. Each one had discovered a term or condition they believed absolved them of responsibility; both for the problem and the solution.

Scripture relates the following truth: “For as he thinks within himself, so he is…” (Prov 23:7a). Our meditations matter greatly and so do our sources of study and research. Whenever a believer consults and relies upon worldly versions of “truth,” he/she becomes vulnerable to the intoxicating influence of humanism.

As a Biblicist, I view the Bible as fully sufficient for the counseling task and superior to any explanations offered by the world. Most Christians however value and respect the Bible and might even see it as inerrant; but few have studied Scripture from the perspective of sufficiency. As a result, most of our counselees offer distorted renditions of life that strangely employ biblical language mixed with secular opinions and terminology. But when the counselee settles upon, and believes the secular explanation (as in the examples above), we know they are seeking the world’s remedy that may, or may not, find agreement with God’s Word.

This merger of Christian thought with secular reasoning, in time, defiles the purity of one’s relationship with Scripture. Humanism is diametrically opposed to biblical truth in most, if not all, circumstances. When attempting to find agreement between God and the world, one has already conceded that the Bible is insufficient for the problem at hand. In using secular and psychological terminology, the counselee demonstrates his/her urgency for relief, without regard to God’s intent and purpose. Paul wrote concerning the overtaking of the mind and conscience:

To the pure, all things are pure; but to those who are defiled and unbelieving, nothing is pure, but both their mind and their conscience are defiled (Titus 1:15).

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A Biblical Response to Dependency and Addiction

Dr. Ab AbercrombieWorried man

Dependency and Addiction

According to experts, alcohol and drug addiction are diseases; obesity and overeating are due to genetic predisposition; obsessive relationship attachments are labeled “codependent;” and excessive spending may be a symptom of bi-polar disorder. To refer to these matters as sin is considered taboo. After all, it isn’t our fault if we have a physical malady, genetic flaw, poor childhood, or biochemical imbalance.

Focusing on sin, some argue, is harsh and promotes guilty, shameful emotions. I argue that telling someone there is no remedy or cure for their behavioral prison is harsh. Without transformation, we can only teach someone to manage their illness rather than resolve their sin.

Addiction is indulgence of the flesh and the temporal pleasures that come with the element of attraction. For some substances, medical addiction can, and does, become a complicating factor making deception and entrapment still greater. Yet in its origin, it is the placement of something or someone above God.

Edward Welch (2001) calls addiction a worship disorder, pointing to idolatry as a central theme in our excessive consumptions. He writes:

Furthermore, the problem is not outside of us located in a liquor store or on the Internet; the problem is within us. Alcohol and drugs are essentially satisfiers of deeper idols. The problem is not the idolatrous substance; it is the false worship of the heart (p. 49).

Scripture states: “Now the works of the flesh are evident…” (Gal. 5:19). If the cravings and actions of our flesh are evident (obvious), then through them our heart is revealed. The heart conveys our affection; our devotion of time and energy; our longing; and our commitment.The heart invested fully in a person or substance will have little evidence of godly worship, service, or holy conduct, as these assets cannot be attained apart from godly adoration.

Many suggest that the Bible has little to say about addiction in general. For example, the Bible does not speak of pornography, drug addiction, or relationship dependence at all. The Bible also does not mention automobiles and rocket ships because they did not exist at the time God gave His revelation. But theologically and structurally, Scripture has volumes to say about idolatry (1 Cor. 10:14), worship (John 4:23), respect and maintenance of the body (1 Cor. 3:16-17), lust (1 John 2:16, sexual immorality (1 Thess. 4:3, self-control (Gal. 5:22-23), a sound mind (2 Tim. 1:7), temperance (1 Cor. 6:12), and pure meditations (Ps. 19:14). Perhaps Paul summed it up best:

All things are lawful for me, but all things are not helpful. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any (1 Cor. 6:12).

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When Ministry Leaders Fail…

Dr. Ab AbercrombieSad man praying

The apostle James gave the following caution to leaders in the church:

Let not many of you become teachers, my brethren, knowing that as such we will incur a stricter judgment (Jas 3:1).

The calling to church leadership, in whatever role, is a call requiring much study, prayer, and meditation. James is clear that an instructor and overseer must be certain of his calling and diligent in his manner of life. The standards are higher than for others within the church and the leader becomes accountable for not only his walk with Christ and the management of his own household; he now is accountable for the household of God!

Because of this, pastors, elders, deacons, teachers, and others in authority, must avail themselves to years of preparation followed by a rigorous vetting process to determine their spiritual readiness for leadership. This examination however, will rely upon the maturity and knowledge base of existing church leaders, if proper discernment and placement within the Body is to occur.

The specific standards for pastors and elders are well-established in the Bible and demanding in their scope. Paul wrote:

An overseer, then, must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, temperate, prudent, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not addicted to wine or pugnacious, but gentle, peaceable, free from the love of money. He must be one who manages his own household well, keeping his children under control with all dignity (but if a man does not know how to manage his own household, how will he take care of the church of God?), and not a new convert, so that he will not become conceited and fall into the condemnation incurred by the devil. And he must have a good reputation with those outside the church, so that he will not fall into reproach and the snare of the devil (1 Tim 3:2-7).

This is a daunting list and should be taken with much reverence when considering a call to leadership. To be above reproach is to be beyond accusation. Often used as a legal term, it means that one is not convictable in a court of law. This requirement is to protect the church and to guard the great name of Jesus Christ. A leader, more than anyone else in the church, must recognize that he is a representative of Christ both within the church and throughout the community. As a designated overseer, he will be extremely visible and must show evidence of Christ’s transformative touch. These features of leadership are repeated almost verbatim in the Book of Titus (Titus 1:5-9).

Beyond this overarching call to purity and innocence, Scripture goes on to speak of the specific character one should see in an overseer along with specific abilities. The requirements of deacons are similar and call for great attention to one’s spiritual, family, church, and community life (1 Tim 3:8-13). And while the Bible does not specifically address ministries outside the traditional church, these standards of oversight could well be applied to para-church ministry leaders also. Any ministry that operates under the banner of Jesus Christ must ordain leaders who are devoted to kingdom truth and biblical principles of oversight.

Central to all of these standards is the call for maturity, testing, proven character, stability, knowledge, and godly conduct; demonstrating leadership at home before assuming leadership at church. The Lord has been gracious in defining these requirements and challenging the church to thoroughly examine each candidate. And yet with so many guidelines and instructions in place, spiritual failure within leadership is more common than ever before and its effect is devastating to the church and other ministries.

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A Biblicist in an Unbiblical World…

Dr. Ab Abercrombie
Ps 119 photo

Being a Biblicist in an unbiblical world is challenging. Long past are the days when children were taught to read using the Bible. It is no longer culturally correct to evoke the Word of God in public. Even those within the church often bristle when Scripture is revered as absolute, literal, and authoritative. Compromise is the demand and concession is the norm. God’s Word, if spoken at all, must be unifying, peaceful, and affirming of human needs, to gain worldly acceptance. But Christ gave the following warning concerning God’s message to the world:

“Do you suppose that I came to grant peace on earth? I tell you, no, but rather division; for from now on five members in one household will be divided, three against two and two against three. They will be divided, father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against mother, mother-in-law against daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law.” (Lk 12:51-53).

The gospel is divisive and exposes the inner heart of man. It reveals belief or unbelief, obedience or disobedience, worship or idolatry, humility or pride. The illumination of Scripture asserts the glory of God and the depravity of man. The exposure of sin would be unbearable except for its remedy, the Lord Jesus Christ. But even the remedy will be refused by most and accepted by few. And as Jesus teaches, even those we love will turn away from the truth and often reject the believer who reads, proclaims, exalts, and seeks to live out God’s Word. The writer of Hebrews details this divisive impact:

For the word of God is living and active and sharper than any two-edged sword, and piercing as far as the division of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart. And there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are open and laid bare to the eyes of Him with whom we have to do (Heb 4:12-13).

Thus, when Biblicists speak, live, and teach in accordance with Scripture, the result will be like a two-edged sword. God’s Word is deliberate in its intent, piercing the soul, and judging (exposing) the heart of everyone who is in proximity to its effect. The Bible is clear that no individual is immune to the working of Scripture and that our hearts are laid bare before Christ, to whom we are accountable. This is a glaring and unsettling fact; all will give answer to “Him with whom we have to do.” Believers and atheists, faithful followers and apostates, meek and bold, submitted and wayward, will each respond to the same truth. There is no other scale; no alternate template of measurement.

A purveyor (teller) of truth must know that the success of his/her ministry is not found in its outcome. Rather, the success of biblical ministry is determined by the accurate handing of God’s Word (2 Tim 2:15) and the minister’s obedience to speak “truth in love” (Eph 4:15). The end result of truth is dependent upon the sovereign activity of God, as He interacts with His creation. Jesus told this parable:

“The kingdom of God is like a man who casts seed upon the soil; and he goes to bed at night and gets up by day, and the seed sprouts and grows–how, he himself does not know. The soil produces crops by itself…” (Mk 4:26-28b).

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Kingdom Success: Imagine What God Could Do…

Dr. Ab AbercrombieRunners legs

Through the years I have taken note of my fluid and changing definition of success. When I was a young child, pleasing others seemed to be my goal, and I especially wanted my parent’s approval for the things I did. Their evaluation was the only measuring stick I had. If they were happy with me, then I was a success.

By middle school I had discovered music and sports along with the recognition of others for accomplishments in each.  The spirit of competition emerged and I quickly moved toward an orientation of “winning and losing” as I approached activates in my life. My parent’s approval was still important, but I now viewed it as much more “conditional” in its nature. My father seemed more excited when I won “first chair” status in the trumpet section or when I made the starting lineup on the football team.  Success, I determined, was much sweeter in the winner’s circle.

High school brought the acute awareness of friends, females, and fun. By this time, my parent’s approval was the antithesis of success. If they liked it, there must be something wrong with it. I wanted popularity, recognition, fellowship, and good times. If I was connected and included in “the group,” this was my greatest achievement. I still loved completion and wanted to win, but not at the cost of my inner circle.

After winning an athletic scholarship to college I now focused on the next level of accomplishment. By this time my identity was that of a “jock.”  I loved being on the team, standing out, and being something special. I was known by the number on my jersey and my accomplishments on the field. I guess that identity would have sustained me longer if only I hadn’t been such a “flop” at the collegiate level. In college the winner’s circle is pretty small and needless to say, I was well beyond the outer rim.

Since I had built my entire reputation as #75, there had to be a reorientation. “Winning,” to coin a phrase, “isn’t everything.” I swallowed hard, looked around, and decided I needed to re-invent myself. I surmised that if I wasn’t going to be an All-American, I’d better be smart and make a lot of money. So an “A” student I became, graduate school I pursued, a doctorate I received, and a private practice I built.

I was educated; I owned my own business; I had a beautiful wife; a baby daughter; a house on the bay; and even had my old football stories to tell. It’s amazing how much greater you were, the longer you are away from the game! I was the unhappiest “winner” you could have ever met.

So I decided I needed to work harder; build more business; hire associates and dominate the market. I worked 50, 60, 70 hours a week. But the harder I pressed, the greater my desperation and pain. I had spent the past 35 years of my life chasing the world and alas, the world had won. My proclaimed victory had in fact become my greatest defeat. My call to reality came from a question Jesus asked:

“For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?” (Matt 16:26)

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Consequence or Condemnation…

Dr. Ab AbercrombieDepressed Man

“As far as the east is from the west,
So far has He removed our transgressions from us” (Ps 103:12).

Here King David records a truly remarkable promise of God. Once we are His children we are forever covered in the security of His forgiveness and mercy.

As humans it is hard for us to fathom such a complete separation from sin. But according to God’s Word, once our sins are confessed before the Lord, they are literally forgotten. If our confession and devotion to Jesus is genuine, then eternity with Him is assured and no act or person can ever take us from His presence. Jesus said,

“My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me; and I give eternal life to them, and they will never perish; and no one will snatch them out of My hand” (Jn 10:27-28).

As followers of Christ, we can find great comfort in our Savior’s words. But we must be mindful of the fact that forgiveness, mercy, and salvation are terms dealing with eternity. In other words, our sins and transgressions have been made clean by the blood of Jesus and we now are saved from the condemnation of hell. As Paul wrote:

Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Rom 8:1).


But does freedom from condemnation also provide the believer freedom from consequence? Does faith in Christ render one invincible and oblivious to the effect of sin? Does godly conduct really matter once we are under grace? Paul asked and answered the same sort of question,

What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin so that grace may increase? May it never be! How shall we who died to sin still live in it? (Rom 6:1-2).

Clearly the Christian is not excused by grace to go on with his/her previous state of living. Instead we are called to no longer live for ourselves but rather conduct our lives with honor, compelled by the love of the One who saved us (2 Cor 5:14-15). In this state of love and honor we are connected to Christ in a manner that yields conviction and sorrow when we sin; provoking repentance and restoration rather than prolonged, deliberate disobedience. Paul wrote,

For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death (2 Cor 7:10, NKJV).

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What’s Love Got To Do With It?

Dr. Ab AbercrombieRed Heart

I do not often quote rock music icons to make a point, but Tina Turner’s heartfelt question is remarkably relevant for the ministry of biblical counseling: “What’s love got to do with it? According to the apostle Paul…everything!

If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing (1 Cor 13:1-3).

Paul provides a poignant reminder that the core of the Gospel is love. While knowledge of God’s holy and perfect nature, the severity of His justice, and the righteousness of His law, awakens and convicts the human heart of its depravity and need; it is the God’s love that draws and transforms the sinner. The Word exposes the counselee’s human plight (Rom 3:10-12, 23) but also provides the grace and sufficiency of Christ as our remedy. Paul wrote:

But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from the wrath of God through Him (Rom 5:8-9).

As ministers of Christ we are endowed with gifts and callings that are powerful under His direction; but without love the aim of our ministry will prove futile. Biblical counseling is a hard process of diagnosing and exposing sin through the use of God’s Word (Heb 4:12). It also deals with the impact of living in this fallen world, including the often unjust suffering shared by unbelievers and Christians alike.

Showing counselees their biblical infractions is critical if they are to recognize and address matters of unbelief, idolatry, self-centeredness, and pride. Repentance is fundamental both to regeneration and restoration. But if counselors are not cautious, our presentation of truth can become harsh and condemning, leaving the counselee with a sense of hopelessness.

Helping with the hardships of life require a proper view of God’s sovereignty and grace, the necessity for endurance, and sensitivity to spiritual needs that are revealed in times of greatest trial. And while absolute truth is necessary both for sin issues and circumstantial sorrow, the Bible requires us to advance God’s truth in merger with God’s love. Paul wrote:

As a result, we are no longer to be children, tossed here and there by waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, by craftiness in deceitful scheming; but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ, from whom the whole body, being fitted and held together by what every joint supplies, according to the proper working of each individual part, causes the growth of the body for the building up of itself in love (Eph 4:14-16).

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